“I’m feeling less threatened today and maybe it’s because the sun is out. I used to feel intimidated by the people I am currently sitting in between, but not today. I sip my decaf in confidence and my stomach is not in knots.” – March 25, 2023

Spring comes slowly; I see her peeking out earlier each morning. I listen to her song carried by the birds’ making nests inside my attic. I slip on the sidewalk that she made damp. The smell of her budding flowers kisses me with the breeze. I like that she takes her time, even more when I realize that I mimic some of her ways. I, too, am getting up early. I too am being selfish with my time.

It was a long and tough winter. Over the last few years I have been growing attached to the quiet yet extravagant changes of this season. Like most, I get a case of the SAD’s, which compiles on the already existing all-of-the-time sads. The days before summer remind me that it’s okay to slowly unfurl; There is so much time to do what I need and honor what I feel.

“ I don’t feel that way, I cant feel that way. I just need the sunshine back I just need to feel like I have purpose, like I am exploring and learning and loving and being loved.”- February 17, 2023

I decided in February that I would start my own raised garden bed. With little to no research, I used the dirt from my yard and red pepper seeds from an old pepper; Housed them in an old egg carton and repurposed a plastic bottle that cat litter came in for their greenhouse. Day and night I check their progress. I tenderly put them in their designated spot on my bed after waking because it’s the best place in the house for natural light. I place them on a dresser at night before I tuck myself in. They seem to be fine, though I am worried about the next stage – I have never done this before. It’s been a wonderful living metaphor – I have never done this before. 

What next? The sun is a powerful motivator. I hope to see growth; In both the peppers whose home is everchanging and in myself- at my own chosen speed.